One day in a MNC

So the exams are finally over.... :-) month long exams can really play havoc with one's life and i mean when i say it. MDU exams are a complete mind-fuck, to say the least. waise i am a half engineer too now ;-0
i have my training in HCL,noida and these HCL guys turned out to be complete golibaaz. so there i was in noida all alone....feeling fucked up. and then i decided to visit my cousin manu bhaiya in Freescale semiconductors where he works. careerwise he is exactly where i want to be one day....he's into VLSI fabrication and stuff. its a pretty cool job, lots of money but very demanding as well. his office occupies four floors of the Express Trade Tower,Filmcity,Noida though they would have shifted to the building next door by the time i post this. from the moment i stepped into the building to the last sip of coffee(i must ve drunk ten cups i guess) i was absolutely awestruck. most of you must have heard about the americanised atmosphere which prevails in such MNCs but the influence i had was more than just firanginess-pe-fida thing. the security arrangements made me feel as if i was about to enter a top-secret scientific lab. the very idea of being one of those who have the power to access it is so fascinating. i couldnt....so cant say what goes on behind those electrically-controlled steel doors. super computers, robots...???? didnt ask bhaiya either....i ll find it out for myself one day. there was a cafeteria on each floor in front of those resticted-entry corridors with only one of them being accessible for registered visitors. man, how privileged i felt! though i spent most of my time sitting there, drinking coffee, eating Good-Day biscuits and reading The Monk who sold his Ferrari which i had just started reading yet the day was an eye-opener in many respects. it was a phase which each one of us experiences at one point of our life....whats the purpose of my life and stuff. before going there i was aimless in life but now i have one. the day made me feel one with myself....i know the best has begun. i realised how important it is for one to have priorities in life, personal and professional. i pray i dont dwindle on this path of resurrection...amen.

revelation

The infant hours of tonight were no different and special than those of the last thirty days i had spent in the drawing room of my house. I was sitting on a chair cross-legged with the books scattered in front of me, trying my best to study. i say trying because everything but studies was on my mind. there was this pain running through my veins and disgust boiling into anger with each passing moment, trying to find a vent so that they could finally erupt. whenever i've tried to make things right, my endeavours have always backfired with things worsening like never before. the recurrent events have forced me to tread the middle path when i know that this middle path is not the one which leads to enlightenment. it is like a boulevard one turns to to escape when the mind simply refutes to acknowledge the glaring difference between right and wrong. i was scolding, blaming, humiliating, pleading, begging and crying before the one responsible for all this, in my mind. tears rolled down my cheeks and my vision became completely blurred. i closed my eyes to stop the incessant tears and turned my face up. and as i opened my eyes i saw something i had seen before a million times but never realised it was there. it was a portrait of lord ganpati hanging on the wall right in front of me. suddenly i could feel someone watching me over. the loneliness had disappeared in a flash. and as the tears still fell from my eyes, i felt i was smiling. though initially it was a laugh which mocked the relevance of such a trivial revelation but as sense prevailed, i felt the pacifying effect of His powers. He had instilled this confidence in me yet again. i went back to study with this staunch belief that His divine hand would be on my head tonight...like always.

i think this is what you call serendipity...quite a misappropriate word but thats the way i've always been....with words.

Crossroads

There it is, the horizon of my life
the moment i ve been waiting for a long time
The cobwebs make no sense anymore
a feeling i ve never felt before.
The rocks beneath my feet, the wind in my hair
the aurora of this brand new morning's air.
The gentle whispers of sea in my ear
the distant sound of footsteps i hear.
The first sign of sunlight upon my face
the raindrops making music with panache and grace.
the tiny birds spreading their wings in the sky
i wish this would never pass me by.
Its a new beginning, its where i start again
the place where i leave behind all my worries and pain.
just one step ahead and i know the world is in my stride
making it the last day i cried.
Still i wish to run and hide
and nurture my big ego and pride.
I remember the seventeen dark springs of past
I remember the time which flew off so fast.
I remember that grass is not greener on the other side
I remember that i've been blessed with all might.
I remember the last turn i took
I remember your first dirty look.
but what i've forgotten is better than that
my head no more fits in that ol' black hat.
The jewels of my eyes are no more for you to see
my life is no more thankful to my complacency.
From these shackles i will break free
into the deep blue sky one day i ll flee.
Undress the disguise, unwrap the emotions
Break all barriers, murder all pretensions
hide the white flag, learn to strike back
the love of God one can never hijack.
Give me Thy love, i'm down on my knees before Thou
Give me Thy strength to live up to my vow.

composed on oct 23, 2003

This Happiness in Me

well people...this hasnt been composed by me. so wat....it fits on the frame of my existence to a T, describes me, what i think, feel and believe. so go on...




There is a happiness in me
which lives in spite of all
The days of pain and misery
that sometimes i recall.
A little joy whose roots are deep,
and keep on holding-on
And even though the times i weep
........are solid as a stone.

There is a happiness in me
thats near to havin wings
And i'm convinced its sure to be
each time my angel sings
Sometimes i feel its not enough
This meagre bit i give
And that this life so cold and rough
......is not where i should live.

I hunger for a different kind
of place than i have been
Not comprehended by the mind,
with not a single sin
To mar its perfection
detract from all it is.
And so in that direction,
.....my feet should follow His.

Because this happiness in me
was planted long ago
To shield me from things to be
while i remain below,
God cut my earth-bond moorings
And granted i should be
attuned to Heaven's voice, through
This happiness in me.
---Grace E Easley

The night has just begun.....

"Dont start the day with doubts and fears,
for where they live, faith disappears.
Love wont grow in a gloomy heart
where sorrows live and teardrops start.
Dont give up before you've begun
you still have time to get things done.
Dont be a quitter, you are not alone
---we all must crawl before we're grown.
There are no rainbows without the rain,
there are no victories without the pain"
--Clay Harrison


What do u do when your life becomes a burden? when you start feeling that you aren't living but dragging on? or when your vision becomes blurred and darkness is all you see? can life be so cruel that what appears a dream for others is actually your worst nightmare? and what do you do when all the pain, agony, hatred, frustration, fury, rejection, dejection and trauma become as much a part of you as your heartbeat itself? you shout, scream, yell on top of your goddamn lungs but nobody listens. nobody wants to....can there be a soul more helpless and restless as yours? you look up to the stars. are they the ones conspiring against you? but what did you do to upset them? you wait for it to rain, believing that with the falling raindrops all your worries would be washed away. And when it does rain, instead of a catharsis it burns your heart as well. how long the ordeal? after all you are just a mortal with a heart that is broken every now and then and a mind which cant guard you against every volley of flesh-piercing bullets being shot at you. what an irony? wouldn't life in hell be far merciful than this, your real world, your realm of destruction, the place where you were sent as a messenger of love. Love? doesn't it sound more alien than the big-eared creatures in the movie? would you be ever able to discover its true meaning? how it was meant to change your life and how the lack of it indeed changed it.....why is it so hard to find things in life in the absence of which life becomes one helluva shit?
You open your arms in the dark and a gentle breeze of air blows through your hair. its been eternity you felt something like this. you again look up to the stars....this time you see a shooting star......or atleast you believe you did. you quickly close your eyes and make a wish. and as you open your eyes with a new found hope and a ray of light, you feel a touch. the touch of another being. the touch of his hand. you realise he is the answer to your prayers and close your fingers around his, fearing that you might lose him if you loosen your grip, oblivious to the fact that you are being too harsh. No, you dont want to let go of him. you cant afford to......but will he understand it and reciprocate? how will he come to know that all you want him is to be protective and caring and loving and supportive and guiding and a saviour? you never learnt to communicate. will you again fall prey to the vicious circumstances? will you be foolish enough to hurt him for all the love he has brought into your life? you want him to be there beside you....like your shadow. and then it thunders and it gets dark again....you had forgotten that the night had just begun and night hates shadows.............



"dil ki aankhon ne meri apna sanam dekh liya...ab isi dar pe mere dum ko nikal jaane do..."

Hu hasnt dunnit anyway?

Life's a snake
it crawls and swirls
shows you its curves and curls.
any takers?
human's a toy
with its upside down, boy!
playing by its fingers
no strings attached.
any objection? objection overruled.
they have gone to the stars, been to the moon.
remember kalpana? carving out a bane from a boon.
ladies and gentlemen....
the story has not yet started
so here i begin...i guess, one of you farted.
once a clown, always a clown
lemme get to the point before you frown.
been in love? or jumped from atop?
ran away with the money before you landed into a cop?
late night movie, hah? one-night stand?
so, what's the deal, man?
just check your heartbeat
or see if you've been swept off your feet.
just chillax in this soaring heat.
quibbling siblings or nagging folks
you know your nightmare has just begun.
they say love's not their cuppa tea.
can somebody out there tell 'em what to be?
raise the curtains, put the lights down low
oh! there's so much to show
never been so audacious, you know.
so this time just let me go....
wanna go for a ride with nothing to hide.
seen the White House? shook hands with Mr.Clinton?
monica darling, is something clicking?
traversed the U.S of A? stood on the Great Wall of China?
been to a ball with princess Diana?
she's gone, it's gone, everything's gone.....
the bell's gone. did you hear?
in the words of our very own Dillu. Good Morning dear.
so, you're Aishwarya Rai. That dont impress me much..
all you gotta do is to pay my bill and take a chill pill.
moral of the story:
my game, my rules
i win and you lose
i object, i refuse.
bring me some thanda, you bevkoof!


----composed in class 11
its the whackiest poem i've ever written n i just luv it.

JOURNEY OF LIFE

In a world surrounded with hope
through the dark tunnels of life i survive and cope.
i'm not a desperado but
its not easy to withstand the tornado.

In a world surrounded with love
i live in life's heart.
its something that i ve known from the very start...
that one day i will be far apart.

In a world surrounded with rules and regulations
i have to follow them without any contemplation.
because, being a social being, i have to live in a society
but couldn't there be more variety and life be more spicy?

In a world surrounded with emotions
my hopes,my needs,my aspirations.
do i want to live and cry?
yes, i wish to reach god
where he lives in the heaven so high.

In a world surrounded with the seventies of my age
the end has come of my life page
which i kept on turning
without even knowing what was happening.
my food is not regret
its just forgive and forget.

In a world surrounded with people on my deathbed
saying my last hello to everyone
looking forward to meet the supreme power God
with whose blessings i lived, i cried, i laughed.
my end is near
but there's nothing i fear,

Still i cannot even understand the situation
it is difficult for me to do the punctuation.
comma, full-stop or semi-colon???
the life ends
and i seem to be nearer to God.


----composed by me in class 7